I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I wish my penis had an off switch
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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