so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
