I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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