Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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