At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
