Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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