oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I could fuck to npr.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
