I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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