He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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