She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
