Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
