I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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