I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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