cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
