I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Randomize
