How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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