How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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