woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
