turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
