Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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