What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
