your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
