i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
