I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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