shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
