Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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