Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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