I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I have tasted many bathrooms
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
