Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
organizing the empties. That sober.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
