I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
God I need to hump something, right now.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
