If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
