btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
