Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
