my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
