We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
