i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
