Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
That accounts for only three of the penises
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
