maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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