I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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