Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
