also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
