It's like God shit irony all over that family
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
