I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
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She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
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I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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