I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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