I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
