filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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