Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Randomize
