I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Green mimosas i think yes
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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