is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
pray to the hookup gods
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
