Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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