i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
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