Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
this beer tastes like vomit already
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
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Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
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just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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