i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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