DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
