people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The uberlube is also flammable
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
