Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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