She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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