I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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