It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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