I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
