I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
