Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
