After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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