Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
