I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Dick very happy bro
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
