Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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