I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
