I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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