Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
