I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
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why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
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Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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