I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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