mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
