I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
