MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
