thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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