Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
