I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
