I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
