Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
