atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
