did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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