the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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